So I've gotten my head straight about this 'reunion with the Arborist' shit.
It's a relief to know that I've been doing the right thing in not getting actively tangled up in my son's dysfunction. I mean, you see me here and read this shit, and you probably think 'Oh my Gawd this woman is such a hot mess' but this is where I'm ranting and unloading, kids. (And, incidentally, working things out. It works. Keep reading.)
I am a genuine miracle of good exampledom and sanity when I'm dealing with him face to face, if I do say so myself. So why has that shit has been taking such a terrible toll on me? Because I was so confused about my role in his life and whether I was in fact acting appropriately. I defy anyone not to be confused in this situation.
But confusion, dysfunction, and sad adoption story aside, I'm simply not his mother anymore, and I never have been in any real sense. You can take a child and make it behave correctly. You're SUPPOSED TO. But not a grown-up. It is no longer appropriate for me to make him do anything, or for him to want me to.
So I can't make him get better, and he won't put up with it...both sides of that have played out already. And that's entirely, functionally correct on both our parts...which gives me hope. There is a genuinely sane and instinctual drive toward appropriate behavior going on. Even though it was baffling the shit out of both of us while it was going on. So that, I can deal with. The next time he starts wanting me to listen to how shitty his life is, I'm simply going to tell him 'When you want things to change, you'll change, sweetheart. You want help then, I'm your ace boon coon. Until then, please lighten the fuck up. And pass me the bong.'
Will that piss him off? Yeah.
Do I care? Nope.
Ok fine it'll probably irritate the shit out of me because it's lame. But if the worst thing that happens to me this year is that my son gets pissed off at me because I refused to listen to him dump and whine instead of nutting up and fixing his problems, then this will be the best year of my life so far.
God I'm awesome.