Thursday, February 23, 2012

Kicking Ass and Taking Names

So I've gotten my head straight about this 'reunion with the Arborist' shit. 

It's a relief to know that I've been doing the right thing in not getting actively tangled up in my son's dysfunction. I mean, you see me here and read this shit, and you probably think 'Oh my Gawd this woman is such a hot mess' but this is where I'm ranting and unloading, kids. (And, incidentally, working things out. It works. Keep reading.)
I am a genuine miracle of good exampledom and sanity when I'm dealing with him face to face, if I do say so myself. So why has that shit has been taking such a terrible toll on me?  Because I was so confused about my role in his life and whether I was in fact acting appropriately.  I defy anyone not to be confused in this situation. 

But confusion, dysfunction, and sad adoption story aside, I'm simply not his mother anymore, and I never have been in any real sense. You can take a child and make it behave correctly. You're SUPPOSED TO. But not a grown-up. It is no longer appropriate for me to make him do anything, or for him to want me to. 

So I can't make him get better, and he won't put up with it...both sides of that have played out already. And that's entirely, functionally correct on both our parts...which gives me hope. There is a genuinely sane and instinctual drive toward appropriate behavior going on. Even though it was baffling the shit out of both of us while it was going on.  So that, I can deal with.  The next time he starts wanting me to listen to how shitty his life is, I'm simply going to tell him 'When you want things to change, you'll change, sweetheart.  You want help then, I'm your ace boon coon. Until then, please lighten the fuck up. And pass me the bong.'

Will that piss him off?  Yeah.

Do I care?  Nope.

Ok fine it'll probably irritate the shit out of me because it's lame.  But if the worst thing that happens to me this year is that my son gets pissed off at me because I refused to listen to him dump and whine instead of nutting up and fixing his problems, then this will be the best year of my life so far.

God I'm awesome.


  1. Funny, I'm at about the same stage with my son too (and daughter, now that you mention it). They're only teenagers, but comes a day when you just want to shake them and make sure they understand that they only people who can do anything about their problems are themselves.

    And, really, shouldn't that be awesomely good news?

  2. God, I remember that stage...COME HERE GO AWAY! FIX ME FUCK OFF! At the very moment my girl turned 18 I was like 'Mommy is DONE. It's your problem now, kid.' For her, it really was good news. Nobody ever did it for the Arborist, though. So he's got a lot of adolescent shit he still has to go through before he even gets to the point of 'Jesus Christ living like this sucks'. It's gonna be interesting. As for me, I have therapist appointments already scheduled. Oh yes I do.

  3. I am such a door knob. I thought I read 'kissing ass and taking names....the hell. I believe I will order me a new pair of spectacles. I love when you rant. grrrrrrrrr. My motto of long ago for the kiddos was they are the captains of their own little ship. and they are.

  4. People tent to change tings only when they are unbearable. The things. Most people are by nature.
    Yes, from a certain point onwards one has to take serious the constant blabber like "leave me alone I am old enough", and juhuu - clear your problems, they are not mine!

    In your special situation a lot of other things may have played a role, so I seriously congratulate you to the insight that he's a grown up now (sort of) and time for education is over.


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